Leslie Hill, Director of Music Ministries
As a choral director, I am naturally drawn to the Psalms. Scripture meant for singing? Count me in. The Psalms are a good place to find words of praise to God, of peace, of gratitude, but also lament. I’m a passionate musician type, so I can brood sometimes like a good lamenting psalmist. In Psalm 79, the psalmist agonizes over the sight of a broken and wounded Jerusalem. His weary spirit wonders where God is in the suffering.
How long, Lord?
I have felt this way for months. Life in a pandemic is hard, and it feels endless. I’ve given up the use of my spiritual gifts for the sake of public health. No choirs in worship. No choir rehearsals with people whose voices create the sounds that are heaven on earth to me. I’ve watched my children’s losses go by, and I have felt grief over their disappointments and missed opportunities. I became an orphan, losing my mother to a second stroke after regaining so much independence from a previous stroke just weeks before. Loss after loss made me say to my sisters at one point, “I feel empty, and I don’t know how much more I can handle without any of the things that would normally fill me back up.” Lament.
…may your mercy come quickly to meet us, for we are in desperate need.
I have been weary, tired, and grief-stricken, but I have not been alone. God was everywhere, in the beauty of His creation, in kindnesses from friends, in beautiful moments with family, in my solitude at the piano. God met me when I looked at my glass as half full instead of half empty. The things that caused me to lament were still present, but so were God’s mercies. I only had to ask to see them, and it turns out they were there all the time.